Steadiness

Back on XR as of last Tuesday. My body already had withdrawn from either, with some days of intense fatigue and some symptoms of vague nausea and listlessness. This week my energy has been steady, my mood consistent.

Which is huge, since a BIG challenge for me pre-Adderall-anything was keeping my late afternoon mood pleasant enough to interact positively with my children. I had tried everything: snacking, tea, exercise. It has for years been a challenging part of the day for me. To sail through those hours feels like such a gift right now, I am grateful.

The Well is Dry

6/2/09: Ran out. Chalk it up to my regular failure to plan ahead. You would have thought a 2 minute phone call to schedule an appointment would have been considered less painful than dealing with any potential withdrawal symptoms.

So, were there?

The first day, yes. I spent at least one tired, cranky half-hour block figuring out how I could get a refill besides waiting ONE WEEK for the doctor (!). I mean, I teach on Thursdays right now. I felt my mind reeling: I need to be on top of my game, now I won't be.

That's the part that sticks in my craw. I had already redefined what my "best self" was, and how it was possible.

Today was better. I kept moving, puttering and cleaning and not allowing myself too much time to stew.

I imagine that after next week's appointment, after the reuptake of the medicine, I'll be coasting back up that initial euphoria mountain, waxing philosophical about Lily Allen songs and writing something that seems the "best ever."

Serves me right.